How to brush my teeth without using a Toothbrush or using floss

I usually brush my teeth with a regular(non-electronic) toothbrush and floss with regular floss, but sometimes I don't have a access to a toothbrush or floss. Because of this I either have to go without brushing and flossing. I don't want to use the following approaches:

• Use a washcloth or other clothe: This is a awesome method, but it is tricky to clean the tongue and between the teeth effectively.
• Rinse with mouthwash or water: This is a bad health practice as the mouthwash can't scrub off plaque buildup and clean between the teeth or the tongue. All it does is clean mouth of some bacteria and food particles.
• Scraping the plaque off the teeth: This doesn't work as my teeth usually don't have visible tartar, unless I haven't brushed for days. Also, this can damage the teeth.

But in the absence of both toothbrushes and floss(which I don't have a solution for), these methods do nothing to make my mouth feel truly fresh and clean, and clean between my teeth. Because of the health scares associated with lack of brushing and flossing (Dental Caries, Cardiovascular Disease, etc) I really need a solution. What can I use? I may have to go without days of brushing and I need something that is healthy and attainable. I need something that is:

• Cheap: Ideally it cost $0. I can't go running out to buy something, and some other product suggestion is not going to help me.
• Anything that doesn't contain alcohol, pork or other animal by products, or chemicals.
• Cleans both my teeth and between my teeth.
• Something I can possibly reuse. This isn't necessary, but it is highly advised.
• Something natural. I am very picky about this as oral cancer that could result from chemical exposure.
• Anything sharp I don't want in my mouth(safety pins, etc). And suggesting brushes, unless a realistic alternative is unavailable is not welcome.

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Examples of suggestions I don't want.

• Floss/Floss Picks
• Brushing Wipes
• Wine Wipes
• Rinse with water
• Disposable Toothbrushes
• Using my finger or scraping with a fingernail
• Sticking a scrub brush in my mouth

One option for flossing is to use your hair. If you can pull out a piece of your hair (this shouldn't be too hard) you can use it to floss between your teeth. This works best with thicker longer hair.

For brushing your teeth you can use a paintbrush (most types should work). You can just apply toothpaste and use it as a regular toothbrush.

Detail Brush

Pros: If it has hard bristles, detail brushes can be used to clean certain parts of your teeth and they can also be used as floss if you have teeth gaps that are a bit wider.

Cons: Harder to get toothpaste on, can take longer if you are cleaning all of your teeth

Flat/Angular Flat

Pros: Easy to put toothpaste on, hard bristle ones can clean well, angular flats can easily reach and clean molars.

Cons: Soft bristle ones are very flimsy and do not clean well.

Fan Brush

Do not use these, too flimsy and they do not clean well.

Bright Brushes

Pros: IMO the best kind to use, clean well. In painting they are meant for short strokes, and that also works while brushing your teeth. Easy to apply toothpaste to.

Cons: Soft bristle ones do not clean as well as hard bristle one, also a bit trickier to reach the molars.